Recent Thoughts

This is me at the top of the Berthoud Pass in the Rockies west of Denver.

Over the last 5 months I have realised that I had lost hope. I had lost it for my job, for my church - BCF - and for my own life in a lot of ways. I was not feeling passionate about anything and I think I had allowed my relationship with God to suffer because I just didn't feel like he was listening or was powerful to make changes in anything I was doing.

I don't want to be melodramatic (for a change!) and there were times when I glimpsed more of his power and glory (like at the women's conference we had before I left Bristol) but on the whole I felt pretty hopeless and discouraged. I wish I had been able to discern that while I was still in Bristol, but as the descent into those feelings was slow and creeping it has taken time and distance to regain some perspective and some balance. I feel like I am experiencing one of my favourite lyrics "To obtain a bird's eye is to turn a blizzard to a breeze". I realise that life had become the small things of day to day instead of the larger goal of 'your kingdom come, your will be done on earth, as it is in heaven'.

On this 5 and a bit month time-out I have seen that God is big again, and that he is good, and that he is powerful. It has been an amazing, painful and joyful journey that isn't over yet. I guess more is to come and I am excited to go to the prophetic evangelism summit at the International House Of Prayer on Tuesday. I pray that God works a new thing in me - that I am more than ever convinced of his Majesty and his interest in me, you and the whole world. I pray that I know more about his character and his plans for us and that I see more of his Kingdom that is present and relevant.